Story of my Identity.. :) :)

(I know this article is kind of personal, but, I intend this be read by my close and well wishers.)

Many advised me not to go to Hyderabad. It was supposedly a very bad place. And the odds were against that, perhaps, I was determined. I somehow felt the signs calling me and I set myself to leave Bangalore, leave my world, temporarily. Like everyone entering a new city for the first time, I too had come with 2 baggage  And Those bags were but my dreams; dreams to become something, find my own destiny and identity sorts.

When I got my pay raise and a promotion and when I drove my first car, saw a double digit annual package, bought a house here recently, yet, I still found many things missing, found myself missing in all of it. No matter what i did, i always felt i wasn't enough or it wasn't right. What I can do, how hard can I work can probably could satisfy this inner guilt? I declined a new job offer i had got to join a company as an Infrastructure Manager, I cancelled just a day before I was expected to join that company and I stuck to my current job.

Coming back into my days of Hyderabad, in about 2 to 3 months from the time I moved in, I fell in love with this city. So much of chaos, still there was order in it. Frankly speaking the whole place totally sucked, even now it does! But I liked something in every wrong here, in every torment I found. For a long time I did not realize why? although the answer was right in front of my eyes. Actually, i had found someone. I had found a girl. It was 2008, when I came to this city and I was aimless, hopeless, lost and confused. But this girl whom I met was clear, hopeful  helpful, cheerful. My complete opposite.  Now i know, all my love for this city, is a disguise of my love for this girl, this friend of mine, who is now my wife. And I, that is how,  found my identity, right in her eyes. she is completely become one of my own, more than the city itself.

Sometimes I think, how my dirty room would end up looking like a house if she never helped, how my travel bag would have many things missing if she had never packed, how my days would have been so long if she never accompanied, shared the loneliness etc.,.

The glory of achieving a goal is more meaningful and joyous only when you share it with a special someone. I am sure we all do have such people who enrich our lives with their presence. As far as my story goes, I think every city is chaotic, just like our lives. For a small instance, I urge everyone to stop, pause, look back and with your special someone, spend time, even if its just a minute. Who knows, you may also find something precious :)

14th November 2012 - My second wedding Anniversary and I know why I am really here. How I would be nothing without all this. But, I know there will even be a 25th anniversary with her 23 years from now and how she will look the same wonderful person and look the same way she looked when I first saw her... and thats how I found myself.... Happy anniversary to us :)

Daily dose of Formula 1

190 Miles an hour would seem so slow enough on a Ferrari doing a 9th lap and the steep turn at Turn 6 with a low rise bump and if I was Schumacher, I would have  my toes crossed, my fingers crossed and even my lucky underwear on and Schumi takes that turn with ease as if he was driving an Airplane in open sky. Oh boy, that action was breath taking watching F1 season. But, ever wondered if Schumi gets to watch our very own local Auto Drivers in Hyderabad? He would sweat his german butt out and probably he never would want to touch a steering wheel ever in his lifetime! I am strangely convinced and pretty sure about that.

        This Auto, is no ordinary machine, not in Hyderabad. If you think so, you are completely wrong. It defies all laws of physics and gravity.  Its a Roller Coaster disguised as a Giant Wheel in a Dashing Car game  driven by a crazy wicked chimpanzee on the worlds most dangerous and chaotic roads  - Welcome to Hyderabad Auto Rickshaw Club. This club is no less than a Grand Prix Federation Internationale de Automobile (FIA) F1 championship. There are the actual owners of Autos who are like Force one, Ferrari owners. Track officials are our own Traffic cops, they just stand, watch and let go of all violations. Auto Rickshaw drivers just like F1 drivers, get Super Licences even at the age of 15 as they qualify to balance and transport and ferry down 8 people in a 3 seater auto, at 80 kmph in the most dense traffic with ease.

         There is such precision, engineering at its best on 3 wheels. Traction control, what class of aerodynamics, suspension, tyres, Pit at every bloody signal and yet zero violations. Every driver seems to go through intense roughest frustrating nights of their lives which they vent out by driving the 3 wheeler zig zag on the roads every god damn day on Hyderabad Roads. They float, they sail, they fly, they even do a wheelie, a stoppie, then they drive over on the side. Every stunt in the book gets coverd on a usual day. In this F1, one does not only get to watch the real time action, but also to be a part of it by sitting in the auto.

     There is no Qualifying, as long as you drive like a Maniac. You can drive everyday, not just on a weekend unlike the F1. no Race marshals, no Red Flag. When you get a lady sharing ur seat, you can stroll hanging on the laps of the driver himself while the DHIKCHIK LOUD conked music from a second hand old market Speaker beats the balls out of your intestine, you quietly enjoy the thrill of being a Hyderabadi.

Keep your insurance number in your speed dial before you get in. Because this mean chimp driving the beast 300 CC auto rickshaw has no need to follow any rule. He bows to no one but to his own behind. Make sure you also got your lucky underwear on if you want to live. If that thump is louder, or if the bump on the road twisted your pancreas, if the steep turn made u fall our of the window, if there are no seat belts, if the auto driver loots you for all ur money - Its hydbadi style!! hav a biryani, get some sleep..live to travel another day..

When I first landed in hyderabad in 2008, I paid Rs. 300 for about 14Km of travel. Not just that I was cheated but I also sat behind a stuntman and went through an adventurous experience of a lifetime.
Many also get looted on a daily basis by the Auto Rickshaw Mafia .
The real problem is us. We entertain the Paradox and inspite of all the danger, all the Hazard, all the pain, pressure, corruption, corrosion, contamination, all the torture, trouble, terror, tension, torment, tease we still adapt, we are so non assertive to the situations and we let all the wrong to be forced on us. I hope it all improves, we all learn from our mistakes and say NO to pay high prices unless the Autos fix a meter, say no to travel more than 3 people, use more public transport system, carpool and most importantly respect each other  - it is us who will always suffer. More than complaining, we should learn to act more.

I LOVE HYDERABAD. But its a Paradox place..
Here is what I mean

       Thank you all For Reading. Please help make Hyderabad a better place to live.
Please leave your comments here

regards
Maddy

Increased Commercialization decreased Value

Colorful, attractive, sexy, intriguing... Perfect! The news paper ads, all the hoardings, TV commercials, marketing SMSs, Telecalls, many more! We wake up to commercialization. The very news paper boasting of tonnes of offers, the word SALE and DISCOUNT everywhere! Models, celebrities showing their skin, sporting clothes. Business intelligence going into every aspect of the road, newspaper, mall, store. How carefully chosen words, pictures, even colors put in specific places playing with human psychology, I see it as a harassment to spend, terrorize to purchase and greed to own!

 I am not surprised to hear "hoarding industry" like Film industry, banking and finance industry etc., Hoarding, by itself is a market! Technically, indian Hoarding industry is the fastest growing in Advertising and PR, and has grown to 900 million dollars this fiscal year! There are ambitions companies hitting the IPO by only doing Hoardings! So many products, offers, discounts, deals, choices, opinions, reviews, etc., makes me wonder sometimes that everyone in the world is selling something. Probably every one thought why join the Navy when you can be a pirate! and they just got into selling!

   All over the city, all I can see are happy people, celebrities, smiling and laughing asking us to buy what they have bought. Looks like we have everything that money can buy, including the government! And yet, they want us to buy so many things. No wonder our future generations will be more materialistic and less moralistic. I fear, soon many of us would not know value of things, but only be aware of randomly owning our wants. They say, everything has an end. I am sure, greed has no end. And I can clearly see how we have taken this very human nature to our advantage and misfortune of our very own kind!

    Be sure of what you buy, not because you loose money, not because you dont need it, but because you loose giving a moral value to your next generation. Its not just you have to live, you also have to lead. We all have to be responsible in making the world a better place to live in after we are long gone. We cant see through time as if its a plain glass. But time is more of a reflection of the mirror. When we see close, we see more. Also, have the courage to say No to people who call for your time. Time is the most precious thing, spend it carefully. Its never going to come back. We all should buy more of life from time and not momentary material of joy. 

Resignation Letter

In my 8 plus years of career, I have seen many resignation letters. Many colleagues have come and many more have gone. What has always been interesting to me is the way they exit. Most curious part is their resignation letter. I love reading those letters. Please take me in a good sense here, I relate some of those letters to how I would be writing when I would resign from my job.

       I dont know why, but in a very curiosity way, resignation letters have fascinated me. Some highlight their pain, some feel very sad about leaving and they express it in writing. Few are so excited about it that they even make way for others to follow them by offering a referal in their new organization. Many a times I come across some emotional jibberish people write. For example " I loved every bit of the time I spent with my team, every one helped me so much, I miss you I miss this, I miss that etc.,etc.," I have not seen many say "I learnt from experience or how they loved supporting their customers or enjoyed working etc.," Some even take revenge on their boss by writing sarcastic lines "My boss was the best that ever happend to me in the team" keeping in mind its his/her resignation letter. If his boss was all that good, he probably would not have quit the company.

     Of all these letters, one day I came across a special one. It was from an employee who had worked for 31 years. This person has worked in one single company for 31 years. What would one write of that experience? "I am retirning" or "Vacation" or settle in a oldhome etc., But this one read something like this "After 31 years with xyz (company name changed), I have decided to resign to pursue a new opportunity.  My last day of employment with xyz is Friday, September 28th.

It went on to read "From the day I started in August of 1981, I have been rewarded with incredible work assignments, exposure to some of the company’s greatest leaders and associates, as well as numerous personal friendships.  The most gratifying aspect of my career has been the opportunity to work with all of you. When all is said and done, it is YOU that have supported, educated and mentored me through my journeys.  I am so grateful for my career here."

I have not found this type of a letter. Someone looking for a new opportunity even after 31 years of working, doing the same job and yet this person has energy and the will, wit, courage to work some more! This is rare, this is special. 

I have now thought how my resignation letter would be. But more than that, the learning from the resignation letter of this colleague of mine is that we never should cease to work. There is nothing whats called retirement. Work till your breath lasts. We should work our time to see our end. Thats the royal way, thats the only way....Even if its working in your own garden, we should never stop, never think we've done it all, seen it all. (and I am not saying we should work for 1 company or work under someone forever, no i am not saying that)

And when I caught up with her I joked "Are you going fishing or on world tour?" and she replied " I am going to fish for some more work so that I could tour knowledge some more"

How to live for Ever?

This probably only a few will ask themselves. And many may not understand what I am trying to say. You dont need to try to understand. And if you do understand, then swing along my friend. We both share the same boat.
Was working thinking of all the pending action items left for the day. Time was running out and yet I had to complete so much of work. Wait a minute, work never gets completed. Its an ocean, a plethora of action items and everyday I walk into work there is a bigger pile than of what it was I had left the few hours before. Amidst all this I kept wondering - does work or life get any easier once we know we've reached our destination?
Our lungs grow thick of carbon monoxide and all the dust, eyes get bleary from all the lights, darkness and sun.... as we pickup fragments of memories out of a timeless chisel, we often keep working our way, pouring lifeblood out into works of stone which gets consumed by corrupt government in the form of taxes and as we see our legs start to shake, hands start to lose its power. yet the world wants to consume out of you. we see our parents pass, our friends grow old. We still move to live out of past days, seldom we see the present. Back breaks, bones creak, children torment you with begging mouths just like those birds in the next. And every night we go to bed, so tired and beaten, ambushed by fate. All we know one day, that an inevitable is going to happen, and that day would be our last. Along with Death, life too is inevitable and all that can save us from even fate or a disaster is Hard work. And to work hard, create something, live life forever through your creation, by virtue of the value that you can create is what is called "being successful"..and we will live forever! Simple isnt it? ;)
As I said, not everyone will understand what I meant, and not everyone will believe this. But I know a very few, will sync to what message I have to say...And those few I call them "Entrepreneurs" and they are driven by "Antarprerana" means self motivation...

82 Years of Life

I had heard so much about him from the gang (my friends), I had never met him. I was told he is an old man and the owner of the house. I was not very excited but he was my mentors uncle, and he is 82 years old! . Well, I walked in to the house for the first time, opened the gate the new house we had availed on rent to jam up in the heart of Jayanagar 4th Block, Bangalore. The first thing I noticed was an amazingly laid out garden. It was a lineage of beautiful flowers I had ever seen. What a place to have right in front of your home, I thought. The landlord lived in the ground floor and we had rented the top floor flat. The door of the landlord was right infront of the garden. As i walked in to the compound, a small path amidst all the beautiful flowers laid out so well, it looked so natural. As if the plants had made way for people to walk in and out. There were all sort of plants, neatly potted, watered, raised to good health. The smell around that place was ecstatic. The place showed the passion this gardener (the oldman) had. It had the kind of aura, like you want into a place and for no reason you smile and feel peaceful. I had no idea that it was a day that would change my whole life. A day that can change my entire perspective, the way I thought, lived or looked at things. This is another story of my transformation. I was on my way to meet someone wonderful.

          I saw a cute, fair old man standing with a kind of smile that is so epidemic, contagious. It was like - His smiling was making me smile! He had these wide open bright eyes, a face full of expression and energy and more over he was something different. He looked as if he had won a BMW in a TV show. It was as if he was very happy and excited seeing me, even though we had never met before or knew each other.  I smiled my best, went upto him. I was hoping a shaking hand, and a boring long lecture which old people usually do. I extended my hand "Hello", he replied "Hi, I am Gopinath, I know who you are". I guess someone had already told him. He kept looking at me as if he is looking inside me. The silence kind of got awry, I added "Your garden is beautiful Sir", Gopinath replied "Thanks" and he kept looking at me as if he is reading me. I was thinking, usually people say "I did this whole garden myself" and take a bit of a credit, but this man didnt do that. It was not a big deal. Its just some garden. I thought this guy is crazy and old to keep staring at me like this. It was weird. Gopinath after a brief pause he replied "You think I am old and stupid, dont you". I was shocked, literally! I stood frozen. How the hell did he know what I was thinking? Was it a co-incidence? I wasnt sure! That kind of vodoo I had never ever seen. May be I had heard of it in the movies, but then, is this really happening to me? - I thought.

        "Errr....Ebbbbb, mmmm, No sir, I wasnt actually...... " Gopinath interrupted "I like to wake up to this garden, there isnt fresh air these days". He was switching between topics. Well, fair enough. I escaped.  Went to finish off some pending work. After a long day, I walked down, was very tired, irritated and sick, I met him again. "How was your day" and again he was smiling so bright, his smile was inflicting upon me. His handshake was very stable, unknowingly or surprisingly it made me feel better. "You worry too much, worry about parents? worrying never helps". How does he know? I thought. Then all of a sudden he asked  "Do you drink Wine?, I have the best", he asked me. Surprise again. I replied "Isnt Wine bad for you?" He replied "You still think I am old", "No, No, I dont mean that, I mean, you should take care of your health". Gopinath said "I am 82, and for the last 18 years, I havent taken a single pill or went to a doc nor did I catch cold. I walk and jog even now. Health is 80% Vital Forces of Nature, 20% are by Drugs. I practice good health with 3 things only. 1. Meditation, 2. Pranayama and 3 Dietary control which people these days dont know of. Before they turn 30, they are older than me". He went on "My last medical checkup 3 days ago revealed no sugar, no BP, no heart trouble. I am perfectly healthy and still 18 at heart, wanna go to a disco with me?". We Laughed.

        He kept saying many times similar to things what I was thinking. I was sure he could read me. I stood speechless many a times. The next 3 hours were the best of my life. I went through another transformation of Harmony, spirituality, Honesty, humbleness, hard-work, Health, Relationships, Friends, People, money etc.,., It was the best interesting talk I have probably ever had. He had a way to know what I am thinking, or what type of a person I am. His life experience is something I want to share to this world in my upcoming blogs. His wife had gone due to Cancer. His only daughter is in the US. He told me how he built the entire house from his own hands, how he built up and decorated the room for his mother, the way she wished it to be when she was alive. His mother had died of Cancer too. He added brief details on how he researched on Cancer and how he has made it curable now, written to many international universities and research institutions. He told me how busy he is these days. His took me inside and the whole house was astonishingly clean, and full of books. Books everywhere. Books on Medicine, Chemistry, Biology, Botany, Spirituality, Neuroscience, Phsyics. Books on Samuel Johnson, Sanskrit, Vedas, John Keats and many more. I learnt that I am talking to a Dr. Prof. Gopinath, a recipient of Ministry of Education, Govt. of India in Biochemistry in the erstwhile of All India Institute of Mental Health, now NIMHANS, Bangalore. He has also published many books to his credit. He is the founder-director of a popular pathological library in Bangalore. He also heads a Holistic Health care center, for integrating Yoga and Meditation with modern medical Practice. He is a Psychologies, Chemist, Pathologist and a Doctor. He reads minds, body and words. Other people of his same age, probably would be back broken, disease stricken, mentally prepared to go through hospitalization and death. I had this man who was in full rejoice, having fun, and really showing us all how to live every moment of this life.

      He believes in the force of Nature. He mentioned about PRANA and JEEVA. How positive can attract positive. How one thinks something and attracts is based on how badly he wants it. How one is born crying, lives complaining and dies disappointed. He seemed to address something I needed to know, but I didnt know that I needed it.  He asked me to practice this starting that minute "Everything I need to know is revealed to me. Everything I need comes to me and hence - All is well in my life" .And more than what words could speak, he had told me few ideals which I just know from him, he never said them to me and I cant explain. I felt touched after talking to him. I am sure many others would have felt the same too.

Then the entire gang met him. Rakesh, Kiran, Bharat, Jongky, Nandan, Guru, we all spoke to him. Laughed a lot, he shared many stories of learning, repention, how he survived his residential school when he was asked to vacate from St. Aloysius school. With no money at hand, no one to call to, how he sat at the Light Building in Mangalore near the Beach of Indian Ocean. Many things he said fascinated us all and took us a ride back to the 1930s. Got a glimpse of how the world was then. Oh it was memorable. He gave me two books he has written and said it will do a lot of good to me. Reading those books, I strongly feel so.

This man is no way 82. He seems just like any of us, rather younger and smarter than us. In the end he said "The Aura about you is that you bring people together and take them with you. I am able to communicate with you even in silence through Metaphysical reverberations that get exchanged between the living cell and the universe. Take this life a bit easy, you are way too loaded up in the head. Its not good". Most of what he said didnt enter my head, but everytime he looked at me, I heard him say what he meant without saying a word. Another firm handshake and I walked out as someone else not as the same person who had walked in the same gate sometime ago
       

         

60 seconds to 60

How long ago that you remember you were hanging out with your friends at infamous "addas" or jamming up your favorite tune, thinking about your first crush, humming that a Bon Jovi song, reliving your last favorite vacation etc.,. , Many of these memories dont seem very long ago now. But what has happened unoticeably is that time has passed, passed swiftly and unknowingly. Time is meant to pass, no denying it. I am worried my watch gave me a verdict 60 seconds to turn 60, with the time trap stop shut and we are all living under the timed Stopwatch thats ticking every moment and it stops with our breath. Trust me its faster than we know it with the race against time we are on everyday. We even time the hours we sleep, the hours we work, the hours we spend in traffic etc.,., 

        This makes time very precious and with this high costly most important measurement of this life, I want am concerned as to what I will do when I turn 60. I want to keep this blog alive till then, as to when I come back and read this and atleast I can flaunt a smile on my wrinkled face, that is, if I make it to my 60th Birthday. Wait a minute, 60th birthday? thats all ? only 60th I get! Man am I greedy. The stop watch we are undertimed with has two major elements. Fate and Destiny. Its like Incident and Problem, or Girlfriend and Marriage. Both similar but not the same. The other factors are Obligation and Responsibility. Courage and Wisdom. Strength and Breath. Health and Wealth. Laughter and happiness. Sorrow and Sadness. 

   The time Warp is running out suddenly we are in 30s. With the "how much busy I am" graph bar scaling higher and higher every minute, in no time are in mid 40s. When we face our first Slip disc, or first diabetes report, or the knee pain, balding head - Lord Raama, we realize then we are getting close to the Mark. Now I may want to be a Manager, later on a better person, better husband, write a book or may be build a farm etc., But what am I gonna do when I turn 60? 

   I gave this nasty thought a thought. Ofcourse I will turn 60. What am I gonna do then? Probably I think its the right time to plan things now. Isnt it good to do so than to just succumb to destiny and live from what I get or to make what I can from what I can source? I just dont want to be Working in my life, instead I want to be working ON my life. With that thought, I have decided that I dont want to plan what I want to do when I turn 60, instead WHAT I WANT TO BE when I am 60. That way I can then plan what I want to do, what I want to own and also what I dont want to be doing and not to own etc.,., I will ignore Naysayers, and mediocrity. 

      I long for constructive criticism. I am thankful for many who walked upto me and identified my mistake, my drawbacks and ill qualities.. All of it has constantly driven me towards being a better person and to innumerable those I am utterly thankful... I want to be doing Social work and farming exotic fruits. This is my motto to be living through days like today and yes, this is where I want to get to. To be alive, independent and hopeful is what i want to be till I die. To be remembered, admired and loved is what I want to be after I am dead :)

What is it that you want to be when you turn 60?. Please leave your feedback and comments below. Also do a +1 if you frowned or smiled or thought I am stupid :). As I said, I love constructive criticism.

The Doctor who went to the funeral

This is a real story of a doctor and a patient, and I have compared this real life incident to the rest of the world. Dr. Arjun (name changed) is a budding doctor doing his PG in Oncology, in his own words the story started "I was posted in casualty, my routine was to fix fractures, burns, bruises etc., While passing through the casualty ward, I am usually greeted by ward boys, nurse, patients and their families. On a normal day, as I came to work, I got the most loudest Good morning greet ever, and the most widest smile from who looked like an elderly lady. I had never met her, nor was she my patient. I felt good, I waved her back. And as a Doctor, its my general behavior to inspect the health visually even by distance. Thats a sort of a care I show to my patients and family. Instead of asking how are you, to an extent, I find it out myself. As I glanced at this lady, she looked pale, thin, dark circles, dressed in a  green hospital suit, she was sitting on a chair and looked like she used up all her breath to just wish me the good morning. She had ran out of breath after the greet, and appeared struggling, still kept the smile for me till our eyes lost contact."

       On a normal day for Dr. Arjun its bruises, blood, wounds, cuts, people in pain and cry. Facing life and death situations everyday. For the corporate world to which I belong, a problem without a ticket is not a problem at all. A customer calling for help is my life and death situation and not his. Customer for me sometimes is an all powerful, most precious person and nothing else unlike it is for a Doctor. We live in such different worlds.

     Dr. Arjun continued " I came back to my ward. I found out  that the patients name is Lakshmi, for no reason, call it an Oncologist's curiosity,  I read her medical report. Lakshmi,  aged 46, one lung completely obscured by cancer, and the other damaged by emphysema. Now I figured out why she was breathless. Her doctor said 'she is going to die' . I saw her blood tests and I realised why. Later that day, I introduced myself, sat next to her "thank you for your wishes today morning", she just nodded and smiled. She appeared sad although she was smiling. She looked pale, and looked 60 yrs old although she was years younger than that. I asked "what would you like me to do for you?" knowing its a difficult conversation, I asked it. I dont know why. She replied "I am probably in my last phase of life, you cant do anything to a dieing woman, can you?"

       I found out that she was sent to chemotherapy which was not useful. The last doctor who kept her on stent to reinflate the nephron and ease her breathing did not bring a permanent relaxation. This lady was surely suffering a lot. I met her every now and then and someday learnt she was discharged. I decided to meet her again. I somehow wanted to help her, I consulted many specialists and seniors I know, with no progress, I met her at her residence. I asked a rare question I usually dont "How are you", she replied "I feel awful doctor, not good at all." I probed her for more, hoping I can help. I feel weak, handicapped and tired in everyway - mentally physically. I guess I am just waiting to die". She continued "The sad part of all this is none of the doctors tell me when could be my last. When I push, some say a month, some say a week. At this stage of my life, I want to see honesty" and her sister tried to ease her breathlessness by stroking her back and handed over a tissue.

          A month ago, Lakshmi was a successful businesswoman. Her husband had left her when her daughter was a year old. She ran a Beauty parlor and had raised her daughter well. She turned out to be an intelligent woman, independant and now she terrible to be dependant on someone for the first time in her life. I added "Never mind what others say. What matters is how you feel?" . she responded "I know I am going to die, I just want someone to acknowledge it". I asked her "is that important to you? why?" Her sister answered to this, "she thinks she can get that last left over time to finish what can be finished, gives her a sort of a confidence" I get into such difficult discussions with patients. To tell someone directly on the face that he/she is going to die, and to predict that, oh its a inhuman task I am bound to do.  I added "I have gone through your reports. By my predictions, you may have a week or 10 days." She leaned back on her chair, and said "Thank you" she looked relaxed."Thank you for confirming. you have done what no doctor could do. I am relieved that its not my paranoia that I am going to die".
                   I am much relieved and pleasantly surprised to her reaction. She didnt cry, break down or get upset. She told me how relieved she was now and ready to accept that her end is near, but she was happy that the she didnt have to suffer for long. "My only regret is that I will not get to see my daughter or my grandson. I dont want her to know just yet. I will write letters which I want her to read after I am gone. I will also write many bed time stories for my grandson" said the grief stricken lady accepting life practically.

          Well, we think we can handle a tough situation, but as a doctor - what can be more challenging to see sorrow and pain everyday? and bloodshed? oh man, its so hard to even imagine.

Dr. Arjun continues - "its so unfair" says her sister. Lakshmi says "but the dying without pain and suffering sounds to be a good idea" and she smiles at that. She also said "I like the hospital staff, and the nurse who vists me for the injections. God bless her". . These days there are pills and injections to reduce the suffering unless the patient is mistreated or mismanaged. I said "I dont want to say I understand, but I want to say I know I cant resolve or refer you for any more treatment. I cant even say I will meet you again or ask you to see me again". I should not have made that sentence, I thought for a second. To that she said "you have been kind enough to answer my only question. what else will a dieing lady want". She knew she is going to die, her teenage smoking habit had caught up with her. She was in the same illusion like other smokers that smokers lead a normal life inspite of burning and choking their lungs. But, my job was to just sit and listen, and help her confront the fact. thats all.



        I left from her home. That day she did not feel sad, sorrowed or unhappy. She had decided to spend the rest of her time smiling.  The rest of the days she planned a farewell party, a picnic to a nearby place. She watched all her favorite Rajkumar and Rajesh Khanna movies, listend to songs, signed important documents, she also made peace with few gods. Her breathing progressively declined, she was later put in an ICU in our hospital. and when she could no longer bear the hunger, she agreed to be sedated. We sedated her and she took her last breath.


      I went to her funeral, there were lot of people who admired her strength, courage and determination to fight. She was fine example to many. And her Obituary read the next day that "We all will come across death. In life, death is inevitable, and the only person who can face death with grace is the person himself facing death. The last adventure we all take."

Day after day, dispels the dark
Flowing our time away
Absorbed into the world we fail to mark
How swift our years fade, how quick they decay
Ignorants we are, maddening wants drugged our souls
Dreams, love, hope and the vital breath
Respect the time what we have today
Cuz you took a birth, certain is disease and definite is death


           

            

End the Sadness

chaos inside, smiling outside, chest emits so much of grief
bottled up feelings, the place gets heavy
and so many things unsaid, still is a coral reef
ages passed, times have changed, inside, heart is still a baby

endless woes they come, living on hopeful dreams
blessing is a family, lucky is to love
suffering is to live, silent tears flow downstreams
a cheezy heaven and a scary hell, an illusion we believe

in this world so round, its all a cycle
nothing started with an apple
lifetime lasts 3 days, ends quicker as a bubble
everyday a new question we face on every channel
endlessly keep solving the most toughest puzzle

as we grow, the world grows
youth then, old now, end is soon - god knows
still the smile is on, days are hopeful
the smile will last, the days wont

flesh and bones, its all that is
empty hands, but greedy hearts
why so cry?, why so whine?
know nothing whats in store
know not of future days,
give more, learn more

end the sadness
give a smile to those who cant afford one
a warm hug shared, the battle is already half won
end the chaos leave a happy season
worlds created to which you're the special reason

Day in the life of a middle class

waking up to a struggle
brushing teeth at the mirror
planning a day long fight and snuggle
with a pride and a grin
hiding all the pain form deep within
the same road when rode long ago
Isnt easy these days, but still costs the same ego
to fill the tank on, hopin for an extra mile
headphone on, shirt tucked in..we still smile on

Along with a credit, along with a debt we war with inflation
fight all the odds, live in clarity amidst confusion
dodging every obstacle, hoping for a miracle
very little fun,and some bollywood entertainment
very big at heart, even with a corrupt government
And the dreams are bigger, and the hopes are strong
thats is how our days go, and we move along

waking upto a struggle
day begins again and I brush at the mirror
Its getting tougher and tougher
Keep the chin up, keep the head high
For everything is ours, even the full sky
Its gonna be a bit tight
stonger we become, its all gonna be alright

Ranjan Classics - continued

One day Ranjan saw me going to office with my laptop bag - he asked in an awesome kickass MTI "Are you going to office?" I wanted to reply "no you friggin moron, I am taking my laptop to hack into world bank and take all d money"... another day he saw me taking print out and saw IRCTC on it...he asked "oh you are going by train?" I shud've replied "oh jeez, train? naah, IRCTC has started new transportation system..this is to the moon in a spaceship i will wave u from up there, u look up n say hi", he used to see me coming home but ask me "are you coming now?" "no! I was sitting on a tree all this while fool!"...the best of all was that, he came to a movie with us in which Shah rukh khan was acting, after 30 min he asked "is it a hindi movie?" Well...the genius in him caught up with the stupidity in the world.....

        One day he had to go some place out and his planning  and behavior was as if he is meeting someone from the Mafia. Me and vijay noticed he was acting weird as if he was James bond 007 has gotten inside him. Later we did learnt that he had bought sunglasses wearing which he felt he looked like a hunk, and probably why he was acting like Pierce Brosnan. He took bath and in his towel for about 20 minutes he was very angrily grumping something and searching something.We found out that his underwear has gone wet and he doesnt have another one. He planned to dry it with an Iron Box.

          What would be the result when you leave a dangerous equipment at the hands of a lunatic? Well I am talking about the Iron box to all you dirty minds. Well, he started ironing, I think his wife called with whom he got into a fist fight in Tamil. most of the call we could find out that he was boasting, praising poems on himself etc.,.,and oh boy he was on fire...and the entire bedroom got filled with smoke!! His underwear had started to smoke. He left the Iron box on the undie and was talking all bindaasss with his poor lady who was taking all his brunt and grunt.

          That whole day he stayed wrapped in a towel, he didnt go out anywhere, cancelled all his plans and his face had dipped to that of a frog's and was no different than a decomposed oily Vada.... To his luck, there was no power for 4 hours and he sat doing nothing.....we were rofling and lmaoing n having fun watching live cartoon show.. :) Moral of the story is - 1. Dont Boast. 2. Keep away from Ranjan....

Thanks for reading... :D Wrote this in sleep..dnt mind d language quality.. please click on the g+1 icon or the like button..it helps..promote ranjan :D

    

Love your Parents

Today on my way to office, I noticed  a construction site. Due to slow moving traffic, I happened to notice a bit more than usual. It was a tall wide building, and workers were busy doing their job, catering to their responsibilities. For an instant, they looked like those dedicated ants slogging to make their home. Thats how they looked to me as I gazed at that huge building they had almost built. The funny difference is, ants build their own house for a living, and these poor workers do it for someone else.. Probably for people like us, who live or work there in full luxury.

     Well thats how the system is, its the hard truth. I was hoping they get to earn their living well and while I was thinking all these, just around the corner, I saw a crying baby sitting on the stones alone. Mind you that its Hyderabad I am talking about and it was 1 PM in the afternoon. It was very hot, around 40 plus degrees centigrade. The baby was holding a almost torn teddy bear, small one and was sitting shirtless on a tiny underwear (probably), or a sort of a boxer short.

This little boy could be around 2 or 3. Thats all, not more than that and he looked very pretty although he was dark. There was lot of dust on his face and overgrown hair. It was indicative he was playing with mud. I guessed his mother could be one of the workers and I was right. I parked my car left as something caught my attention. I saw his mother requesting her supervisor to go to her child, but she was asked to do one more way up carry something all the way up. ( I am guessing so). And the baby was crying so hard, probably he needed water or food. 5 min later, his father came with a broken bottle of milk, and about a quarter of a bottle was filled. He just kept the bottle there and he left to work.

I was very hurt seeing all of this. It was hard on me to see such a miserable state. For this reason I want to be something better so that I could give people better. I ended up getting out of my car, walking up to the baby, giving him water bottle which I had kept. He drank water sobbing in sorrow and he was okay in a while. I had a chocolate with me, which looked better in the hands of this tiny cute guy. His parents managed to come down seeing me holding him and they were also very embarrassed at their situation. I couldnt say much, I just gave them some money and in my broken telugu I asked them to get him clothes and a better water bottle. They explained to me something, I couldnt understand much. I am sure they were very thankful, I walked out and came to work probably 10 min late which my boss wouldnt mind.

I kept thinking, so much about this life. How thankful should we be to our parents. We are what we are today is always because of the sacrifices they have made. They have taken all the hardships so that we get the best. Even though they had their work to do, this couple managed to come down and do their best. If one feels that they didnt get the best of their parents, then that person is wrong. Every parent makes sure their child gets their best always. Some kids get everything, some dont get enough, some dont get anything at all... but, for a parent, he gives his kids everything he has got. He invests all his time and effort and does whats best for his child. Its the universal truth..

I couldnt do much to the baby or to their parents. But I learnt two things. 1. I should love my parents more, not get busy with life and 2. I should be a good parent too..

Simple things

Some of the world's most complex problems have been solved by the most simplest of the solutions or principles. For example, e=mcsquare defines so much about a complex problem on Energy and gravity. Its a law of nature that when a complex problem is thrown at, it definitely has a very simple solution which we are to invent or discover.

In our own ways, we are scientists of our lives. We discover, we learn, implement, invent new ways and sometimes we have to prove ourselves. We are also Entrepreneurs of an organization called "My Life" and its all depends on pretty much how we make or break things. We also have our own Operations, a human resource management system running, a database, infrastructure etc.,., One can relate to what system that exists in this world today are been driven out of our own lives. It all starts within us.

Out of all this, the most complex of our problems are on How we lead our life, what we make of it and how well we see it through till the end. It is indeed the surface of all other challenges that lie beneath this complex-est problem. The answer is simple, very simple actually. Just stay focused.

If I relate my own life to be a business organization, then, I can assume to have customers. Customers are all the people around me. The work that I do, the value that I create for them so that I grow, is my service to them. The only way I could be happy is by staying focused on giving my customers a good product, greater service, support and deliver outstanding customer experience. That way, I dont have to worry whether or not I grow or fall. I am giving my 100%, I am confident I will grow no matter what. Give your customers the best, you will get back the best. Customers run a company dont they? Customers are everything! Its simple as that. you want examples? Google, Apple, etc.,.,
So focus on your work, focus on the people around you.. focus on how best you can deliver to every one. In technical terms, you are an interface to your mind and peoples' mind. you drive whats called "destiny" and you receive whats called "excellency" by doing it well. Self evaluate how good you are by the people around you.

In real life, there is nothing called "free" and dont translate your fears into escapisms and depend on facebook for pass time, movies for entertainment, friends for sympathy.... face it!! face it, win it.. LIVE IT!!
Make the best out of every minute...
Thanks for reading, :)

The Talking Dog - RANJAN Episode 4

If you are new to Ranjan comics series, please read Episode 1 a day with an idiot... and then once you get a hang of Ranjan you will enjoy the real stories some more.. :)
I hear this weird noise like a diseased stray dog trapped in a cage.  After hearing to it carefully, the voice looked familiar. I came out of the door and listened to it carefully, the dog clearly said "HELP MADDY HELP, WATCHMAN HELP" OH MY GOD!! there is a dog and the dog can speak! Cant I be any more shocked?? it said in a weird tone "HEEEELLP, I AM STUCK HERE, HELLLLP"  It was christmas - new year season, the entire apartment was empty as all bachelors had gone out partying and rest had gone to their hometown. Who could this be!!?? making all the noise?? the  tone of that voice was really of a dog sorts... it had the same vocal chords..like a wolf howling types. It also occassionally said "AMMAAA APPPPAAAA, AIYOOOO HEEEELP" The bloody dog even thought of its ancestors! I couldn't believe my ears, a dog somewhere trapped knows to talk!! knows my name and its even calling out the watchman. how in the world had this happend? Or am I hearing stuff, hallucinating perhaps? I thought i will ignore it, I came in. But there was constant banging on a metal tin and the sound was continuous and disturbing. I thought, 1. It cant be a ghost, 2. If its a dog which can talk in a tough situation, I can make money. 3. If its a prank, I will kick the intestine out of their ass. then I came down. AND, I WAS SHOCKED!! HAPPY!! and SCARED!

Now, a bit of flash back - On a hot summer afternoon, Ranjan reached home. He was very grumpy, as usual, his very frequent mood swings that day had swung to the extreme end and he was terribly disappointed with the way his day had gone. The frown on his face was the only thing I could see and I felt as though he recently sniffed over a decomposed piece of excreta or something very disgusting . I was going out and I accidentally bumped into him at the basement and while trying to evade and duck from his bouncing discussion, Ranjan made a statement "Pune is a waste city" I didnt want to be his favorite victim, but seemed like I had no choice. "Oh what happend Ranjan?" I went till Kharadi and came, I didnt find Pulikaachal, Paruppu Thogayal, or even the Lemon oorugai!! " now thats a catastrophe, the world would probably end! that was how he sounded. How in the world it may happen that Ranjan went and he didnt find the most simplest of the thing in this world? Well, in Pune, you cant expect a Chennai recipe common. I felt pity and said "oh its okay, we can manage without that" I only made it worse saying that,  for that Ranjan said "I will only make a nice one for you, it will be very tasty" . Well, a few days back, he had made something he called it Idli, and it was brown, and somewhat looked like a elongated wide banana come watermelon. Me and my roomie Vijay had managed to get rid of it somehow. I had managed to throw it out of the balcony, while Vijay had flushed it down the toilet. I mean, it was that bad. No offense to food, but, it was not good enough to qualify to be called as food. He had left the Idli batter for 3 days, telling it would get soft the more it ferments. Later he lost track of time and had scammed us into consuming that decomposed poison which we smartly got rid of, but, now he wants to make pickle!!Wonder now, how that is going to be!

"I had borrowed Vijay's bike. What man, the bike does not put 5th gear at all?", I replied, Ranjan "its a Bajaj Platina 100cc, it has only 4 gears" Ranjan didnt want to look stupid, he replied "NO NO NO NO NO, it should be 5 gears, in Tamil nadu n all there are no new Bajaj bikes which have 4 gears, see see thats why Pune is bad" " I rode my friends same bike at 140 kmph when I was late to office one day, the bike should give 25 bhp easily in 100cc " You guys know by know after reading all episodes, this guy is awesome. now I wanted to say that Vijay's bike was bought in AP, it has no relevance to Pune and no where in the world that this bike can have 5 years. I just rolled my eyes, agreed to what he said and wanted to go meet the watchman and pay the maintenance fees. Ranjan continued "So this bike suddenly when going on 80 kmph stopped! I was about to hit the bus in the front" I couldnt imagine how in the world he stopped and didnt hit the bus!! I was sorry for the bike, the plight it had to go through with this monstrous heinous hidious self made mechanical engineer riding it  "engine became hot, and it was full turned off. not at all starting" I hate it when he tries to make it curious while its not. "Then what happend?" I added, I fake as usual. Man the story was kickingly insanely curious! "then I opened the engine, saw oil was not flowing. I had to tight the air filter, clean it once and it worked!! And then, one old man gave me his screw driver, I helped him cross the road also"

  The lift came down by then and started screeching to close the door as he opened it. He didnt get in, he stood and said "Once I made pickle for a whole wedding in coimbatore for my friend for more than 800 people, everyone liked it" Whoa! Isnt he terrific! I have a chef, a mechanic, socially aware, helpful guy, a man who knows all does all. I said "bye Ranjan"  I went to watchman, paid the maintenance. Then I went out to pay bills.

When I returned after 2 hours, saw Ranjan was not at home. My roomate was at work and I was alone. I was very happy seeing that. After about 10 minutes, I heard a crackling noise, as if an old dog trapped inside a cage and has a sort of a disease. We had a lot of stray dogs around the apartment. Then when I listened to it carefully, the voice sounded very familiar. I came down after making my calculations mentioned above in the first paragraph, and I was shocked to see Ranjan sitting down trapped in the lift,  in a semi-faint state and banging  the wall in angst to open. The door was a open see through, but has a lock outside and only an external person can reach it. Except the ground floor, every floor door was lockd, It was used in our apartment to avoid misuse.  There was a big banner kept near lift that day "DO NOT ENTER. LIFT UNDER MAINTENANCE" How come Ranjan didnt read that. I wanted to open the door, but what if Ranjan jumped and attacked me? It sounded funny imagining him like a zombie sucking my blood. I burst into laughter and Ranjan didnt seem to like it "What happend" Ranjan replied "BLOODY BASTARDS, TOOK OFF THE POWER. I GOT LOCKED FOR 2 HRS" I couldnt stop laughing, i mean the moment was hilllarious. I enjoyed it. I got him opened and went back home. Ranjan Slept, didnt even think of making any pickle or abuse any other city, I guess he was tired after repairing the bike, staying trapped in a metal container.... It would've been nice if he got trapped everyday.

Later learnt that the maintenance guy was an old man, and the poor guy had pasted the warning board not to enter which our Ranjan didnt see. It was fun knowing that the old man has problem hearing it and our watchman too was relishing on a beer and was partying at home. Merry XMAS Ranjan.... :) You gave me another moment to smile and laugh at. Hope you all enjoyed it.. Please leave your comments

Prayer for a Second Chance

Short is this life, shorter is my dream
Slogging through this world...inside me I scream
God, give me the strength, show me the way

I have slipped, I have missed
In this time thats running, too many things I have wished
Imagination has put me here, I am still an empty cup
God, give me the strength, I can never give up

Amusing has been this ride so far
Every fall has left in me a scar
I have gained few and more so I have lost
God, give me the smile inside me it is frost

I have learnt I am not alone
Making mistakes to which everyone is prone
Help me make things better, help me do this dance
Help me with some wisdom, give me a second chance...

- Written in the angst asking for a second chance..
Maddy

How to be the change?

One thing that comes to my mind every-time I read an article or news or even just a board, a hoarding or a simple advertisement.."Words" What do we read? Letters, that make up words, words that make up sentences... and then paragraphs..a page etc., The job of every word is to provoke another thought in the reader's mind. Thats all they are there for. We speak a lot of it, write a lot of it. Everywhere in this whole round world, there is input and output. 


When we speak, its our thoughts that we are letting out. Our thoughts are a part of our character. So, we speak what we are. Thats where we have to be very refined - in the head. If I could improvise the way I am, my words would sound more meaningful. - well thats one philosophical theory analysis, leaving it for the saints - what I want to conclude is that - Words may inspire but only action creates change... as you read, as you think, as you work, as you see..retain, retain it all..hold your thoughts a bit - gulp those words and keep them in.. implement your plans, write them down. Never let off the hook, but be that change and change to win.... Good night folks... :)

Dreams

We know to deal with Stress, we know to handle pain. We often come out so strong as we fight many challenging situations. We get better at it as we go. We get into marriage, then children, then the next 25 years will turn out to be a constant hardship of making sure they get the best upbringing, and infact most of us do manage to make sure all ends meet. The line "tomorrow never dies" is the most continuous statement on time and tomorrow always lives on and I don't want to talk about Old age. We plan everything for tomorrow, and thats a good thing; no one ever said don't feed your own family or become a priest or a saint. Not every one can be a good Saint and its not easy at all to be so pure, divine and forgiving. As a family person, it is alright to get busy and live a life for our people, our family and career.

There is one important thing which we ignore on the way and that is to find a meaning out of our own Dreams and aspirations. Often many dream of being a musician, singer, dancer, poet, writer, cook, etc., but we succumb to our routine events and get busy. We bottle this crave of doing something you infact like somewhere in the deep and we bury it. After sometime its buried in the core that its forgotten and gets difficult to unearth it.

Take for example - A man sitting as an audience watching a dancer perform and he goes on to imagine that he wished he would also be able to dance like that, dance his pain away, dance all the hardships and yet entertain the crowd, groove to the music and feed on the satisfaction and dream of that world how it would be if he did really dance then that dream is from his Soul. Such dreams from within are from the Soul. In this case, the man's  Soul wants to dance and when one gives what the soul wants, life becomes easier, suddenly there wont be many negative situations but a rewarding experience of life. Thats what you get when you treat your soul with what it likes to do. Here is one such short story, a real life story of a well known singer called Gangubai Hangal.

Young, born to a poor agriculturist father, she grew up watching her mother sing. Singing was the one thing that made young Gangubai happy. She was married at the age of 13 to a Lawyer, yet she managed to take lessons from a part time Carnatic Vocalist  teacher and she practiced all day. She sang her pain away, singing is what her soul wanted her to do and lucky her, that inspite of all the household problems with respect to money, supplies or other daily chores, Gangubai hanagal sang from her heart. she found peace in doing all of it, she got busy in her singing within, so life turned out to be a part time activity. She raised two children, made to her family and yet she won Padma Bhushan Award twice!
Another proof of rewarding your soul with nourishment by doing what you like is that even though people of the sorts of  Gangubai Hanagal are no more, they still live in our hearts through their music, through their creations and a very interesting tale of their lives to share and talk about.

In my case, I want to be a writer. All this writing is a way of letting my soul flow. Like Paulo Coelho said "Many people are afraid to pursue their dreams because they feel they don’t deserve them..." Dont be afraid, pursue your dreams no matter what age you are of or what will be the result. Follow what you like doing. Dont let go of your current work or responsibilities, but make time for your own likings and interests.. Live a happy Life :)

Working over "time"

It was 2004, July. I was sitting in Next consultancy giving my third round of interview for a call center "Transworks". All the 40 plus people who were with me in the first round are now down to 8. I was sure of not getting through and to add to it, this was my first interview. I finished the 3rd round, 4th and the 5th HR round. Then I was asked to leave.

When I reached home with shoulders down, tired, hungry and beaten, around 8:30 PM, my landline phone rang. A familiar voice, the consultant, spoke and confirmed that I was through the interview and asked me to join from next Monday. Well, I was very happy. I was 18 years old, it was my first encounter to what was called "interview" to get me a "job" from which all I wanted was some money to buy a phone, some clothes and some cash to party with my friends at the 1st Block Samosa center. I was thinking of working for about 3 to 4 months.

   I met some awesome guys in the training, it was fun and lots of learning. Slowly time passed, I got another call from Dell and was asked to attend an Interview again. I always wanted to be in Dell, it was like a dream company. I didnt know it was a Call center job which everyone would look down upon me, but I had my ways. I went to the interview, I got the position and April 2005, I joined Dell. I enjoyed working because I met really nice and different people. Morning I attended my College and at night I took calls for Dell Computers. My first call was an escalation from a frustrated customer who wanted to electrocute Michael Dell. Luckily my supervisor handled that call and slowly I learnt the trick of the trade.

 Slowly, I grew tired, in less than 4 months as I failed my II yr BSc Exams, I called it Quits. I wrote a resignation and wanted to just end all of it. But then, Sanjay, my boss, took me to a room and said "you know why we hired you knowing you are just 18?" I was blank, he replied "because we believed in you and this is what you give us?" well Sanjay is on facebook, he may read this, but then management had its own ways of tackling such situations and play with peoples' minds. Well after hearing that, I didnt want to fail anybody, I took back my resignation. I thought, another 4 months, what am i gonna loose. I will quit later. 4th month after my resignation, I won the "Star of the year award for best Customer Experience - CSAT" and Sanjay in the crowd announed that "see this is what we believed you for". There was a psychological change in me after that. Although I cleared by degree slowly, I couldnt for some reason, resign for working.

 I didnt quit Dell until April 2008, when I got a call from Hyderabad, Avaya. I though, okay let me see another place, another city, make some friends and quit after a year, come back, do my Masters degree. Guess what, I am still working with Avaya and I enjoy everyday, every bit of it. I did meet many people, and I also met my Wife. I see it this way cuz, all this was supposed to happen. I am what I think, my days are what I think I am. I could never quit and now, if I ask, I still think that I will quit after 40 or 50 years. I hope that I do.
Moral is, life has its own plans. Just keep working hard and eventually you go unpunished. as Micheal Adams in my team said "Hard work never goes unrecognized but goes unpunished" . I will take pride in what I do and see myself working harder and harder till I work with time, work on time, work over time, over and over. 

A friend whom I miss a lot

I once had a friend called Kaushik when I lived in Dandeli. Was in 8th standard, studying in a Govt. School.We were all probably 12 to 13 year old kids, but our class had a elderly group of kids upto the age of 16 to 17 as well. These guys were bullies, and all they did was to bully the rest of the class. Somehow they did manage to copy, cheat and get good marks in the examination. They were that aged probably because they had joined the school very late, I am not sure, I never really found out. But they were taller, meaner, stronger and used age to their advantage. But there was one guy no one could ever touch, he was the dude of the class and his name was Amit. My best friend. We used to play a lot of cricket together, trekked together and used to hangout on the shores of River Kali catching some Fish, or even trying out weird experiments like in the Dexters Laboratory. Amit was so popular because his father was a cop and thats why even the bullies were scared of him.

        Kaushik was the worst affected by those guys. They used to call him "Cow-Shit" as it rhymed with Kaushik. Kaushik had a strong stare, but just the stare. There was a gang of bullies out of which one guy called Yoginder was terribly insulting Kaushik as once he had lodged a complaint with the class teacher of his behavior. They had put Cow-dung in his bag. No action was taken, as if the teacher herself was annoyed with Yoginder. But Yoginder took things personally and started beating Kaushik everytime he found a chance.

       Kaushik usually kept himself away from everyone, he used to come with an old almost torn bag full of neatly kept books. He used to write very tiny letters, conserving the space of his book. Yes, he was poor. He was more of a loner. Learnt that his Dad had passed away 2 years ago and he was living with his mother and mother's brother. But he was a nice guy, we used to sit together, but hardly spoke. We did have a subtle understanding of his likes and dislikes and he had mine. We were pretty brilliant in the class and even few girls were hitting on us, it was pretty usual and its a sort of reward that paid for being smart. But, Yoginder had his heart burning in jealousy, I was least bothered, not sure what Kaushik used to think. He wanted to be a scientist, and we discussed now and then a lot about Rockets, and Space, etc.,., at that time he was interested in Time Travel. I assumed that he wanted to go back in time to be with his dad, and the idea then didnt sound ridiculous. Kaushik wanted to also build a hospital and treat people for free. He was the one who first spark the idea of "being your own boss", inventing things to solve problems. Kaushik was extremely good in science and maths. Always topped and always got 100 out of 100

      One day, while walking back from School me and Amit saw Kaushik's shirt torn, pant torn at the knee, and was walking with only books in his hand (his old bag was missing). As he walked closer to us, his lips were swollen and there was blood all over his mouth. My heart shrunk, I knew what had happend. Amit saw him and asked "what happend Kaushik, who beat you?" Kaushik didnt even have a word to say, he was still shanking. In about 10 minutes he could hardly walk and he collapsed sitting down and crying and we noticed that he had bumps all over his head and some finger nail marks on his chest. Amit and me knew what had happend. Slowly Kaushik spoke "I dont have new shirt or pant to wear. My books are torn. I have complained about Yoginder to the class teacher and he has sworn to beat me" and he could hardly breathe, he was crying.

    Learnt that Kaushik was dragged with his bag tied to Yoginder's bike for I dont know how long and then kicked brutally. Kaushik added "I go home, my mama will beat me up for getting into this fight. I have done nothing to Yoginder. I dont want to go home". Amit, held kaushik by his shoulder and said "you sit with me from now on and I will always walk with you. From tomorrow onwards come and play cricket with me". Kaushik slowly got convinced and probably he wanted to play with us as well. He did love cricket.

 
    From then on, things went well. Kaushik hung out with us and we had an amazing time. We went to Maulangi, and other water falls. We went to Ambikanagar and other places in the forest. Played with some rabbits and birds and yes, played a lot of cricket. Months after my father was transfered and I had to leave to Chitradurga. I took the address of Kaushik and Amit. Later learnt that Amit's father was posted to Karwar, he went there and I always wondered what happend to Kaushik. I kept writing letters to Kaushik. 1 out of 4 of my letters would get a reply with very less words.

        A Year later, I got a letter. "Kaushik is no more. Stop writing any letters to this address" and his Mama had signed on it. I was shocked to see that. I am sure Kaushik wouldnt play such a prank. I verified and learnt that he had truly committed a suicide. No reason quoted, there was no letter. I am not sure of the reason, although I assumed it was Yoginder. I tried to write some more letters, it came back stating there was no one at that location. I wanted to know why. But the lad had a lot of pressure on him. He was an emotional person wanting to be with his father, and he had a lot of dreams and visions. I was so sure that he would grow to become something very big and famous. I still think of the time spent with him and I miss him the most. He will always stay in my heart, and will cherish all the time spent with Amit, Kaushik and mother Nature in the forests of Dandeli. Someday I will visit the place and make a effort to tribute Kaushik. Of all the friends I miss, I miss you the most Kaushik.